You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
