i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
