Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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