There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
