Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
