I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
