mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
