Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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