9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
