I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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