Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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