If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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