I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
