Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
