I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
