I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
what day is it and did you see me today?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
