just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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