High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
