Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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