Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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