yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
