Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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