my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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