Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
