So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
