I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
