The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
