i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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