i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
