Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
