shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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