also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Fuck appropriateness.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
