Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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