he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
