One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
