apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
