you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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