took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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