I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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