I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
