Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I could make wine with my vomit
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
