Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
