I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
