Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
