I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
