Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize