Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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