So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
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i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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