I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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