its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
