We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
this is an emotional support booty call
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
