i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So squirting runs in the family.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
