I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
