i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
