I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
