I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
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I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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