Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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