Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
