Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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