i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
