my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
