You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize