i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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