do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
