A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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