I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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