It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
