I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
