i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
