if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
