Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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