Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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